Well, crud.
It's been quite a long time since I can finally start writing, and it's been so long since I've seen them that to be completely fair I....must....watch...them....again.........must...not...die....
Are you laughing? Do you find this funny?
I angrily informed my expert viewer that it's been so long since I've seen these, that I would have to watch them again if I were ever to finish what I started. He burst into laughter. I told him to shut his pie hole. It's a miracle we're still married.
I hasten to add that I'm not making him re-watch these. Although secretly he probably wants to. I don't want to sit through philosophical proclamations on things that I have heard before, but since I have the memory of a sieve, it will be like a whole new glorious experience. Don't worry, I will keep adding his thoughts about this show, too, because that's probably the only reason why you'll still reading this and because he's funny and smart.
Did we finish watching them all? Yes, we did. It didn't take us that long. I started the endeavor in November of 2013 --- has it been that long ago? -- and I believe we finished in February 2014, with the classics. A lot of serious drama unfolded not too long after, and it became impossible for me to write at all. But I was able to keep watching the show, and I didn't stop at any point. I got through all the classics, and all the way through the most recent Capaldi episode. Then we went through Torchwood and the Sarah Jane Adventures.
I don't really know if I want to write about individual episodes in the Torchwood series, since it kind of went from "This is the most disgusting show of all times" to "Will the pain ever go away" finally ending with, "Please make it stop." Maybe some day I will, probably when pigs fly and hell freezes over. So I'm just going to mention Torchwood now, and never talk about it again. It's how I deal with all life's problems.
My expert viewer has noticed that every time I start screaming obscenities at the television, it probably means it's time to take a breather. I noticed that I was doing that a lot during Torchwood. Even the cat didn't want to watch all the explicit sexual scenes, weird Captain Jack [Jackman] behavior on top of tall buildings, alien mucking and a general attitude of "This is such a depressing show, that we're going to kill you, bring you back to life, kill you again, and then have you walk around as the living dead until eternity." This show made me sad inside. A little of me wanted to be a 4 year old child again, filled to the brim with girlish glee. It robbed me of my innocence and my ability to laugh for a very long period. [But not my ability to write dribble, apparently.]
There were several things I didn't like about Torchwood:
A. It was way too serious. I don't ordinarily watch dark, depressing shows. I'm already a dark and depressing sort of person, which is why when I watch dark and depressing shows, I start painting the walls black, drinking coffee and other stuff that everyone finds annoying about me. People are really into that, hence the desire for crime shows, vampire dramas, etc. Dr. Who has fairly successfully managed to maintain a light and humorous ambience, though I think the latter was mostly unintentional and due to very badly made aliens.
B. Darkness often prevails. This I found annoying. I like a show when the hero prevails and the bad guy gets thrown into jail. In Torchwood it seemed like really bad people were doing really bad things to destroy really bad people, so in the end, the not-as-bad people were sort-of doing bad things and getting away with it. I had no respect for any of the characters. They were not likable to me. Wait was Captain Jack supposed to be a good guy? He was always being manipulative and devious.
C. I am outraged by the amount of sexuality it contained. I don't need to explain further.
D. I hate freaking character development!!!! And that's what a lot of what this show was about. We needed to like these characters and get to know everything about their lives. What they did, where they went, who they did, and why they did it.
Because of all these things, this was not a child friendly show, and that bothered me a bit. I have kids now, so I think about the things that I watch. If it's not kid friendly, and I would never let my kids see it in a million years, then why am I watching it? I did prefer the two mini series, Children of Earth and Miracle Day better than the earlier seasons. But in the end I had a bit of a problem with those, too. There's really no chance in blazes that I'm going to re-watch the Torchwood series, anyway.
Erm....back to my original problem, I'm smack in the middle of the Tom Baker years, and you already know what I think of him. I promised to myself that I would see this through, so now I must. Here we go. Again. It's going to be a long journey......
Apology
My sincerest apology in taking a long break from writing. Due to illness, having a baby, and moving, things have been really hectic the last few months. However, I have watched the Doctor Who classics with my expert viewer, and taken notes, so I do not intend to stop writing. Actually, we ended up watching Doctor Who, Torchwood, and the Sarah Jane Adventures all in order, so my goal is to review the episodes from those shows as well. That's not an undertaking I would generally recommend though. Some of those Torchwood episodes drove me ballistic. Because it's been a while since I've seen some of the classics, I may have to rewatch some to remind me. That's going to be more punishing to me, than you.
The baby is still in the hospital, having being born three months early, so soon I will have more time to write once she is home and we are more settled. I'm looking forward to picking up the pen, and continuing on.
Thank you very much for reading.
Don't blink.
~The Wife
The baby is still in the hospital, having being born three months early, so soon I will have more time to write once she is home and we are more settled. I'm looking forward to picking up the pen, and continuing on.
Thank you very much for reading.
Don't blink.
~The Wife
13.3 Pyramids of Mars
Rating: 5/10
Alternate Titles: Mars' Pyramids
Now don't be messing with my Egyptian stuff! If I were old and rich, that's what the inside of my house would contain.
They're actually back in time, at the Priory which was to become UNIT's headquarters. Why can't UNIT be in this? Why? I hate it when they tease me like that.
Moral of this story? Don't keep Egyptian antiquities in your house, and don't be friends with guys named Warlock and Scarman.
Sutekh is this crazy freak of nature, who thinks everyone is out to get him, and therefore wants to destroy the world. So these mummies turn out to be robots. Whew! For a moment there I was worried that these guys were actual mummies brought back from the dead, designed to cast plagues on people and wreak havoc wherever they went. It's like they wanted to make the episode more realistic by making them robots. Because this was already a very realistic plot, she says sarcastically to no one in particular. I can't really say that the episode would have improved with actual mummies. But it would have been gosh darn funnier.
So pretty much they have to travel back in time to keep this crazy alien from destroying the universe. Just another day in the life of Tom Baker!
Doctor Who terminology that I do not understand:
Marconiscope: Thingy that you use to intercept radio signals. Oh, it's also called a radio telescope.
Lodestone: A hidden portal
Osirian War Missile: Well, that one I get.
Gelignite: Um...is that like dynamite? Oh that really exists.
The problem I've noticed when they use strange words, is that because I'm ignorant I do not know if these things exist, or if it's made up. I'm uncomfortable with that. Is this show supposed to stretch my mind, or reveal my stupidity? I can't imagine most of the viewer population leaping from the couches, exclaiming, "Dude, where's my dictionary? I want to know if Gelignite actually exists!"
Why go to Mars? Aren't the testy Ice Warriors living there? AND DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT VENUS? They never write stories about Venus, Uranus, or Jupiter.
HAH!!! I'm not dead! I have a respiratory bypass system!! Does this make sense to you? So is there a way that you *can* kill this Doctor? If someone were to throw a knife at him, would it deflect from his body? Did I mention I have a Deflection of Sharpened Materials System surrounding my body? Basically it's a force field. I was just trying to make it sound more intelligent. I digress, but it's kind of amazing to me how you can kill this Doctor in every freaking episode and he doesn't actually die. Set him on fire! See if that will do the trick. No wonder the Master gets so frustrated.
So erm...Sarah Jane is wearing Victoria's old dress. That's not weird. In fact the Doctor accidentally calls her Vicki in a fit of musing. That's kind of creepy. I didn't want to be reminded of either of those two companions. Thanks for that.
Why were the Doctor and Sarah okay with her shooting a gun? Do they have a shooting range in the TARDIS?
I knew the Doctor was going to be a mummy at some point! I knew it!
The Eye of Horus. Let's desecrate all of Egyptian mythology while we're at it.
Actually UNIT was built on the remains of a burned down priory. Apparently he also caused the Great Fire of London. That's funny. So, the Doctor can add pyromaniac to the long list describing his multiple talents as weirdest character in television history. Wouldn't you have called the fire department or something before you left?
Next Up: The Android Invasion
13.2 Planet of Evil
Rating 2/10
Alternate title: The Evil Planet or Another Stupid Uninteresting Weird Planet or Who Gives A...
Umm...so looking back on this one, I actually don't remember much of it. I had to go back into my notes and try to remember it all over again. Oh, it's another one of those strange inhospitable freaky weird jungle planet? Oh that's...memorable...
So do you anticipate an enormous Mardi Gras party complete with piñata, on this fun planet? Nope. Sometimes I have issue with the episode titles, because already I set myself up for hating this episode, just because anything with Planet of Something, is going to be really bad. It just is. Sometimes the titles give away the monsters, so there is no element of surprise. I know that I can't reach existential experiences while watching Doctor Who, but at least try to surprise me sometimes. Then again, I've not usually liked the surprises when there have been ones. Dinosaurs? Really?
Money must have been a bit tight for this episode. It looks like a 4th grader chalk picture on the sidewalk.
Oh, your thirty thousand years off from the time when you left the Zygons? Good one, Doc! Actually the TARDIS received a distress signal, so it's there because it's been summoned. Time Lord slave, I laugh at you!
Moral of this story? Don't trust Professor Sorenson. And don't ask.
Oh, the Doctor just fell into a bloody pit, and we think he's dead! Is he dead? Is he DEAD? IS HE DEAD???? Oh, nah....he's not. Psych! They did it again. I think I'll dub Tom Baker, the "Nearly Dead Doctor". See, nearly dying has ceased become a surprise or cliffhanger, because there is no way that he's actually going to die, and it happens in every episode. I know that he isn't one of the shortest running Doctor, so there is just no way he is going to die yet. Or maybe we have magically passed through time, and I just don't remember all those Tom Baker years. Or maybe they want to numb us, so when it actually happens we will be surprised. Am I rambling?
I'm not really liking the outfits. What's with all the rabbit fur lining?
"ANTI-MAN"? What?
How do you get rid of Anti Men? With antimatter canisters! Actually there were quite a few canister-carrying scenes. They must have been proud of those things. If only I had one, I would keep it full of jelly babies for our neighbor children.
I love scruffy, dirty, angry men. They don't have enough of those in Doctor Who.
The Doctor mentions that he met William Shakespeare, which David Tennant accomplishes. Thanks for confusing me!
Let's not return to that planet ever again, please.
Next Up: Pyramids of Mars
13.1 Terror of the Zygons
Rating 7/10
Alternate Titles: The Zygon Terror or The Friggin Ugly Red Meany Head Things. Not to be confused with Terror of the Autons.
Wow, Steven Moffat is a nerd! The Zygons made a minor appearance in the 50th Anniversary Special. I had not yet seen the original episode when the Zygons were first introduced, so they didn't mean much to me when I saw them in the 50th special. I don't know if they became popular or why they did, but it seemed kind of random to bring these guys back. I didn't really find the Zygons very likable, but they stand out in my brain. Maybe it was their look. They are very unique.
I love UNIT and all its characters. I don't care if the plots are really bad. I just love UNIT. Did I mean to say that out loud? Am I labeling myself? And the Brigadier summons the Doctor back to Earth! That's awesome! No self respecting renegade Time Lord would ever allow that to happen. Actually, the Doctor is rather annoyed that the Brigadier used said summons. I don't think he expected the Brigadier to actually use it.
The Loch Ness monster is really a robot controlled by the Zygons. That's....peculiar.
I can't look at a stag's head without thinking that I'm being watched by some rabid red aliens. My life is so strange now.
Poor Harry, getting assaulted like that. He reminds me a bit like the old Ian Chesterton character, except with a little less direction. There's something rather likable about Harry. But then again, he's rather cute so I don't mind if he does the wrong thing. Go away Sarah Jane! Shoo!
Tibetan monks can teach you many things. Listen, my child, and I will teach you how to put yourself in a trance. That's a useful skill you can use in math class. Wasn't Pertwee doing that in every other episode? So he does remember things from his previous life.
All these doubles are confusing me!!!!!!!!
The Doctor has 'nearly died' on several occasions, including in this episode. I certainly hope it doesn't become a habit. That's why you have girl companions.
I hate all that science fiction terminology they used in this episode.
Next Up: Planet of Evil
12.5 Revenge of the Cybermen
The story continues as the Doctor and his companions use the Time Ring, and return to the Space Station Nerva where the TARDIS is located. Unfortunately, when they get there, things have gone awry. There's a plague on board. Actually it's not really a plague. The Cybermen are killing everyone using their evil looking Cybermats. These Cybermats look different. They don't look like something you'd find in the janitor's closet.
So the Time Ring returned them to the same place, just years earlier? That ring is a piece of crap! Or did the Time Lords deliberately send them to a different time? The Doctor has become a real slave worker. Actually, it's more like a bracelet. The Time Bracelet doesn't sound as cool, though.
The Cybermen are just unlucky. Their home planet has been destroyed, and all other attempts to take over the universe keep getting foiled by the Doctor. Such a shame.
I didn't like Cybermen's voices this time around. They sounded like humans behind masks. There was no indication in their voices that they were half robotic. At least they have discovered a use for the bulbs on the top of their heads.
It seems that Cybermen are violently allergic to gold, which is pretty strange if you ask me. They are on a campaign to take over the universe, and want to destroy the planet Voga so no one can use it as a tool against the Cybermen. Wow, that's rather elaborate. Frankly I think 99% of the population would not guess that gold kills Cybermen, but there's always that 1% I suppose.
"I heard from the Zarbi that the horrible Cybermen are allergic to gold."
"Okay, let's go to Voga and get some."
"Wait, is that the only place in the universe where there is gold?"
Unfortunately, the guardians of Voga don't want to be blown to smithereens. Can you blame them?
We get to see Tom Baker run through caves with a bomb strapped to his back. Pertwee would never have allowed that to happen.
Slightly unhinged guy who wants to take over the universe. Not going to happen.
Next Up: Terror of the Zygons
12.4 Genesis of the Daleks
This story is interesting because it delves into the history of the Daleks, and how they came to be. I think it is supposed to take place before the very first episode in the William Hartnell era. Of course, they didn't all start as Daleks, and they weren't all so blasted angsty in the beginning. Well, most of them weren't.
The Doctor and his companions are sent to Skaro by the Time Lords, to defeat the Daleks once and for all. This seems like a good idea, but really it brings forward a moral dilemma. Like who wants to go through The Daleks' Master Plan all over again? Killing off an entire species, so that the universe will be spared of the terror/return/revenge of the Daleks doesn't seem completely right.
The Kaleds and the Thals are at war on the planet. This makes sense in light of The Daleks episode. Oh, I see, if you rearrange the letters in Kaled, you get the word Dalek. I wouldn't say that is terribly clever, but that's all we get. Maybe it would have been cooler if they had been named after their creator, but then The Return of the Davroses just doesn't sound quite right. The Kaleds still seem like a blood thirsty lot. Quite a few of them act a bit like the Nazis. They seem very intent on wiping out the Thals once and for all, and the Thals kind of come out as victims in the whole scheme of things. They're the ones all deformed, limping and wearing rags.
Actually this story was supposed to have a lot of Nazis undertones, according to Terry Nation. The Mutos, mutated creatures of both the Thals and the Kaleds, were eliminated because they were not pure. It was a bit obvious to us that it mirrored Hitler and the Nazi regime. I kind of like the Daleks, but I can't now because it would be liking Hitler. Or, something like that.
I did have some trouble getting past the fact that this all took place before William Hartnell's first episode. I mean, Hartnell's was black and white, and looked kind of cheap.
The creator of the Daleks was Davros, who is just a little bit on the crazy side. Plus, he looks like the kind of guy that you wouldn't want to introduce to anyone. I wonder if it had crossed his mind to make a really kind Dalek, just for kicks, but maybe he just didn't get around to it.
Death by monster conch shell.
I still need someone to explain to me why creating something without a conscious, kindness or any sense of morality is an upgrade. Davros was such an insane dude, it's a pity that his creations were so bad. Maybe they could have created a good race of Daleks.
You can't have an evil character, without his evil sidekick.
Of course the Daleks turn on their creator. That's what happens when you make them killing machines.
I thought it strange that the Doctor, after struggling with this conscious the first time, returned to blow up the Dalek babies. Unfortunately, this action was needless as the Dalek prototypes survive, saying that they're going to continue their mission. Who was in need of a good Dalek bomb now? Killing all the Dalek babies set them off by 1,000 years, according to the Doctor. I was imagining that it wouldn't take 1,000 years to make more Dalek babies, but I'm not knowledgeable about this kind of stuff.
That gosh darn Time Ring! It was almost like the Mercury issue that Hartnell had in his episode.
Next Up: Revenge of the Cybermen
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