Barbara and Ian aren't going to escape this unscathed, obviously. How could you have an episode about the Crusades without a few torture scenes? Wait, remind me again that these history episodes are for small fries.
This one is in four chapters, which means it wasn't as bad. However, episode two and four are missing, so once again we are greeted with the weird pictures and subtitles to fill in the silence. I cringe every time we have these stills and I live in terror that there will be more. They just don't work for me. I'm really surprised that they haven't made a cartoon for the missing episodes, like they did for The Reign of Terror.
And incidentally I did go back and I re-watched the missing episodes from The Reign of Terror in the cartoon format so I could compare between the stills and the cartoons. I didn't want to do it, and I made sure know one was looking so I would not be ridiculed for watching the same chapters twice. Do you see what I've become? I'm skulking around in the dark watching Doctor Who like it's some sort of scandalous tryst.
Conclusion: I much preferred the cartoon format over the stills. I'm just going to enjoy the dummed-down ones. Sorry. I'm stupid. Although it was kinda creepy that the cartoons were in black and white. I thought the faces were over exaggerated and drawn with broad, heavy lines. Barbara looked like an octogenarian.
Anyway, back to The Crusades. This time we get to meet King Richard. Surprise, surprise, a famous person! GAH! And how will the good doctor make history happen this time? Or do we just not give a damn?
Almost immediately Barbara gets kidnapped, bound and gagged. Oh my lord. Can we stop assaulting her? Barbara re-tells the exploits of their adventures to Salidin, as a means of entertainment so he won't kill her. "Well, first I was assaulted by a machine with suction cups and fell in love with a girly guy, then I met Nero, and nearly died. Finally I was attacked by men in very large ant costumes." The end. Good story? I wanted Arabian Nights, and instead I got Crazy Barbie. Bummer.
Meanwhile, what is Ian doing? He's getting tortured. Yep. Well, he gets knighted first [Sir Ian! Sir Ian! I'm in love!] and the Doctor seems quite jealous. The Doctor doesn't get knighted until he is the 10th doctor. Whispers "That's because he's just not as awesome as Ian". So Ian gets to fight a bunch of baddies, and then he gets beaten up by bandits, tied up in the hot sun and....covered...in....honey............Whoa. Good thing that didn't happen to him on the Web Planet. Those ants were much larger.
Erm, where was I? Oh yeah, the Doctor and Vicki spend most of their time with King Richard, engaging in very long and boring conversations with King Richard, his strange sister, and a few other guys that all look the same in the stills. Wait, it's Tegana resurrected!
Did you appreciate Vicki's costume in the beginning? She looked like an elf from the North Pole.
The ending is odd because they manage to escape to the TARDIS when the Doctor has been sentenced to death. This is the first time I think, when there really isn't a happy, we-all-love-each-other ending that usually comes. They barely escape with their lives.
However, they do sit around in the TARDIS having their little communal love and laughter moment apparently forgetting that Barbara got attacked multiple times, and Ian got covered in honey. Or, maybe we're supposed to find that funny?
King Richard's knights watch as the TARDIS disappears, and they vow never to speak of this moment again. Whatever.
You know I'm just super grateful that this wasn't full of men in really bad costumes from the last episode. I'm still trying to wipe those memories. E-yikes.
Next up: The Space Museum Oh no.
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